解決問題的八字訣【中英對照】

The troubles in marital relationship
夫妻感情問題

　　夫妻感情問題是這個時代很普遍的一種現(xiàn)象。相互指責、相互怨恨的比較多，處理得不得當或者沒有方法，就會有相互傷害的行為發(fā)生。這些問題、行為一直困擾著許多家庭。

　　The troubles in marital relationship, such as blaming or complaining at each other, are very common nowadays. The couple is likely to hurt each other once they have failed to tackle these troubles properly or found a right solution. Many families are plagued by such problems and behaviors.

　　像妻子在懷孕、生孩子期間，丈夫照顧不周，自己又要辛苦地照顧孩子的吃喝拉撒，待妻子有機遇再次走向事業(yè)、社交時，一下子感覺社會因緣的清靜，家庭太啰嗦這樣的反差，就會對家庭、丈夫產(chǎn)生內(nèi)在的厭惡感。雖然湊合地過，但離家的心理會逐漸成熟起來。

　　For example, during pregnancy or after the birth of a child, the wife had to work hard to look after the baby’s diapers and bottle, while her husband was inconsiderate. When she has a chance to go back to work and the society, she may suddenly find the sharp contrast between the peace and quiet in the society and too many trivialities in the family, thus she may have an aversion to her family and her husband. Although she still manages to live with her family, her idea to leave the family will mature gradually.

　　而丈夫大多由于工作壓力、應(yīng)酬，身心疲累，又得不到對方充分的愛與支持，外面稍微有一點強緣、有個關(guān)愛，就會對家庭、妻子有很多的埋怨不滿，很容易有外遇背叛的作為。

　　As for the husband, for the pressure from work and contact with others in society, especially when exhausted both physically and mentally but cannot get enough timely love and support from his wife, he is very likely to have many complaints and dissatisfaction and even fall into infidelity once another woman offers care and love to him.

　　這些問題若不了解它的發(fā)生來源、過程，不了解問題的本質(zhì)，不了解一切如幻，不了解自己的心怎么運用得當，雙方就很難去解決或者突破這些問題的關(guān)鍵口。

　　It’s very hard for the couples both to break through and solve such problems if they fail to know where these problems come from and how the things develop, to know that the nature of the problems is illusory, and to know how to properly use their own hearts.

Then how do we face and deal with such problems properly?
那我們怎么去恰當?shù)孛鎸�、處理這些問題呢？

　　首先，要了解夫妻之間問題的源頭是來自“占有欲”。占有欲是一種單方面、強制性的一種心理特質(zhì)，一旦對方不能滿足或聽從自己的要求，就會產(chǎn)生負累及惡效應(yīng)。表面上看都是認為愛護對方，實際是多以愛的理由去要求對方、控制對方，經(jīng)長期積累就會產(chǎn)生對抗、厭惡，不愿真誠面對。

　　Firstly, we should understand that all the problems between a couple come from the desire to possess each other. Such desire has the unilateral and coercive psychological qualities. Once your partner cannot satisfy your requirements or listen to your needs, you will feel over-burdened and have a bad reaction. In appearance, a couple both think they love and care about each other, but actually they demand and control their partner in the disguise of love. With the accumulation of the burden and bad reaction after a long time, they will eventually have opposition, aversion, or reluctance to face each other sincerely.

　　解決這些問題，還是要回到內(nèi)心上去觀察與反思，過過心，體會這些苦的感知，“己所不欲，勿施于人”。多角度地審視、觀察，從智慧、慈悲上觀察，從正見上觀察，從長遠、多生上觀察，再去看雙方執(zhí)著的點，再去解決問題，起碼說不會出現(xiàn)硬性的傷害。

　　To solve these problems, we should go back to our hearts to observe, reflect, think them over, and taste the sufferings. “Do as you would be done by”。 We should observe from as many angles as possible, such as from the angle of wisdom and compassion, from the angle of the right view, from the angle of a long term or even multiple lifetime. We then go back to see what we both are attached to and again try to solve these problems,  we can at least avoid the terrible hurts.

　　在相互尊重的基礎(chǔ)上，根據(jù)彼此雙方力所能及作為的情況，協(xié)商達成一個可執(zhí)行的約定，然后雙方共同去守護這個約定。有任何的矛盾、問題都回到這個約定上去調(diào)整，而不是強化某一件事發(fā)生的好壞、對錯。

　　On the basis of mutual respect, the couple both should try as much as they can to negotiate and reach a feasible agreement for both to observe. And any contradiction or problem should be adjusted and solved according to this agreement rather than just insisting on either good or bad and either right or wrong of one particular thing.

　　尊重、協(xié)商、約定、守護，這八個字是解決夫妻、子女、單位、社會問題的一個好方法，是一個完整的體系。執(zhí)行過程中的關(guān)鍵點，就是這八個字作用的完整性與完善化。尊重、協(xié)商、約定、守護，這之間是相互支持的、相互補充的運轉(zhuǎn)狀態(tài)，不可缺少，一旦缺少就會斷鏈子，不相續(xù)，作用力就會受到阻隔、終止。

　　Respect, negotiation, agreement and observance, the four-word-rule is a good way to solve the marital problems, children problems, work problems and social problems. The four words is a complete system, and the key to applying this rule is its integrity and perfection. Respect, negotiation, agreement and observance, these four steps are mutually supportive and complementary, and each one is indispensable. Therefore, once one step is lost, this system will function ineffectively or even discontinue.

　　舉個例子，雙方協(xié)商達成了一個約定，其中一方在執(zhí)行中一旦有做不到的地方，另一方就容易拿約定去對峙、埋怨對方，對峙、埋怨顯然是違背了尊重。那再次回到尊重上去調(diào)整、協(xié)商、約定、守護，在尊重心上多憶念佛的尊重一切，許可一切，包容一切的功德，來超越我們自身意識、作為的局限性。

　　One more example, the couple have negotiated and reached an agreement. Once one of them failed to observe the agreement, the other would probably use the agreement to oppose or complain at him （her）， which obviously goes against mutual respect. So they should go back to the rule, the four steps in terms of respect, negotiation, agreement and observance to adjust. As for the respect, bear in mind Buddha’s merits of respecting everything, permitting everything and accepting everything, so as to surpass our limited thinking and actions.

　　在學(xué)習、實踐這個方法的過程中，深深感到它在生活中對自身、他人起到了莫大的支持。衷心希望推薦、供養(yǎng)給更多的沒有方法面對家庭違緣、社會違緣、人情世故違緣的一切有緣，來運用這種方法，能夠解決自己在生活中所遇到的煩惱障礙。

　　By learning and practicing this way, we will deeply feel its great support for ourselves and others in everyday life. I sincerely hope that this way could be offered to more related sentient beings who have no idea on how to tackle issues occurred in families, work place and social associations, and hope they can apply it and solve their troubles or obstacles in their lives.

原標題：解決問題的八字訣 【 中英對照 】

文章轉(zhuǎn)自微信公眾號：菩提眼