為何對(duì)別人恭敬關(guān)照卻給自他帶來煩惱？（雙語開示）

　　我們平時(shí)對(duì)別人的恭敬和關(guān)照，為什么常常起不到好效果，反而給自他帶來煩惱呢？因?yàn)槲覀兊?a href="/remen/faxin.html" class="keylink" target="_blank">發(fā)心, 所謂的為他好、為他著想，自己犧牲、讓步等等，是建立在推測(cè)別人的基礎(chǔ)上的，并不見得是對(duì)方真正的需要。實(shí)際這個(gè)恭敬心有時(shí)會(huì)成為一種潛在的合理化要求或者期待——因?yàn)槭侵饔^臆斷在起作用，里面的內(nèi)容不一定如實(shí)，會(huì)讓人感覺不舒服。

　　We mostly treat people with respect and care about them. But why does it invariably induce worries to ourselves and others instead of producing the desired effect? Because the good wishes we have in our mind such as: “for the good of others”, “sacrifice my own interest for others”, or “make concession for others”, etc… are  based upon the conjecture or assumption we make about others, which is not necessarily correct. Actually, such “respect” sometimes may be an underlying demand, seemingly reasonable, or expectation from others. Since what we assume about our kin is not necessarily correct, our respect or care for others does not necessarily meet what they really need. Thus, our subjective assumptions may make people feel uncomfortable.

　　臆測(cè)推斷是個(gè)疑煩惱。每個(gè)人的思想意識(shí)、生活習(xí)慣、交往模式都不同，要準(zhǔn)確地了解他人的需要十分困難。想象、揣測(cè)別人的心思很辛苦，就如同進(jìn)入迷魂陣，會(huì)越陷越深。

　　Assumptions and deductions originate from doubt. Everyone’s mind, daily habits, ideas, ways to get along in relationships differ greatly from one another. It is tremendously difficult to understand precisely what the other needs. It is very hard to assume people’s thoughts, for assumptions are just like swamps in which the more we struggle the deeper we sink.

　　動(dòng)他人一念，不如讓他人動(dòng)自己一念來得簡(jiǎn)單、合意。古人云，“恭敬不如從命”。從命就是如約、不推測(cè)——大家相互交流，表達(dá)清晰，咋說咋做，約好、執(zhí)行就可以了。好比人際交往中，大家約定共同做一件事，愿意參加的參加，不愿意參加的就說出來——人人都清楚明白，然后再去守護(hù)這個(gè)約定。

　　I would be better advised to let people use their own mind to make it simpler and closer to their liking and needs.The ancient sages said that obedience is better than politeness. In other words, it is better to comply with others’ wishes deferentially than to decline them politely. To comply with others’ wishes means to fulfil an agreement without speculating.  Exchange ideas and express them clearly and then act according to what you say, or make an agreement and then follow it. For instance, when it comes to relationships, and all agree upon some project, those who are willing to participate are welcome to join, those who do not wish to participate are free not to take part in the activity. Then, everyone can have a clear understanding and accept the agreement.

　　如約，使恭敬變得順暢；推測(cè)，則會(huì)令恭敬變得生澀。在家庭、工作、集體生活中相處的人絕大多數(shù)都是好心、尊重他人的，但很多人都以臆測(cè)推斷來交往。生活習(xí)慣的差異會(huì)導(dǎo)致個(gè)人需要得不到滿足，這個(gè)時(shí)候很容易心里犯嘀咕，但礙于面子，嘴上又不說什么。結(jié)果那個(gè)“不舒服”積壓久了，得不到解決，最后就會(huì)感到別扭、委屈。

　　Accepting makes it smooth and natural for people to be respectful, while speculating brings awkwardness.The majority of people are kind-hearted and respectful, whether it be at home, at work or any collective environment. But many of them interact with others based on their assumptions. With so many different habits, customs and ideas, personal needs are, very often, hardly met. Seldom spoken out, complaints remain silent for fear of looking awkward. As a result, uncomfortable feelings grow and multiply and grievances arise.

　　自己的心染污了才會(huì)推測(cè)，心地清凈則推測(cè)不動(dòng)。別人有什么想法，自己不要先去主觀判斷、急于替對(duì)方著想，否則很容易把一個(gè)未定之事著實(shí)。有可能對(duì)方正處于考慮的初期，想法并不準(zhǔn)確，還在徘徊猶豫的階段。此刻，你的推測(cè)介入，很容易把事情變成不可改變的事實(shí)。

　　Only a contaminated heart may speculate; there is no chance for a completely pure heart to do so. Let us not make any judgment or assume what people are thinking too hastily lest we may be responsible for uncertain outcomes. It is quite possible that they may just be considering, that they are not sure yet about some matters, still ambiguous and hesitating as to their choices. At such moments any assumed interference could turn indecision into an irrevocable situation. With a pure, respectful and accommodating heart, observing peacefully, we can gradually step out of the swamp of conjecture and assumption.

　　要耐心等待。一旦對(duì)方明確表達(dá)了，就恭敬不如從命，同時(shí)給予對(duì)方一個(gè)良好的祝福，形成一個(gè)正向的作用力。千萬不要讓過于敏感的推測(cè)產(chǎn)生負(fù)面推動(dòng)力。推測(cè)一旦出來，就懺悔、洗禮它。

　　So, we should be patient and wait until their mind is clear and follow it with good blessing and positive attitude. Never let overtly sensitive speculations play a negative role. If so happens then you should repent and wash it away.

　　通過清凈、無染的胸懷，平和、安定的觀察，尊重、接納的對(duì)待，我們可以慢慢走出臆測(cè)推斷的沼澤地。

　　With a pure, respectful and accommodating heart, observing peacefully, we can gradually step out of the swamp of conjecture and assumption.

來自慈法法師的『生命之光 · 陽光早餐』

The Light of Life Sunshine Breakfast

原標(biāo)題：走出臆測(cè)推斷的沼澤 | 中英文

文章轉(zhuǎn)自微信公眾號(hào)：菩提眼